|running into walls.
||[Oct. 26th, 2010|11:39 pm]
little miss sunshine
you refuse to let me go.
for fear of being replaced by my current relationship, you're tugging harder than ever before. i'm falling apart at the seams and you're still grabbing at the frays you've severed. letmego.
i don't know how to respond to that. how do you tell someone that your brain is actually trying to kill you? that most mornings you wake up afraid you're going to live? gradually.. then suddenly. that's how it always happens.
i wish i could shut my brain off and actually get some sleep for once. but every time i close my eyes, i see it. i feel it. i want it. i need it. i can't have it.. so i settle for other areas of control. but now, even that is taking over my life again.
i should have listened to what she said. watching that show was triggering. and i did learn things i shouldn't know. why do i continuously put myself in this positions? i know my weaknesses and i walk right into the trap every time.
when you know about all of this, you will leave.
don't try to convince me otherwise.